Loving myself has never been something that comes easy. Who am I kidding, nobody has it easy when it comes to loving themselves. But back in May of this year, I found out I was pregnant and it made loving myself both more difficult and simpler at the same time. It was also around then that I decided I was going to let my hair grow back to its natural color. Let me tell you, that wasn’t helping my self-love either.
I hadn’t had my natural hair color since the ninth grade! It’s been almost five years. Coloring my hair was one of the only things I loved about myself. So when I stopped that and found out I was having a baby, the love I had for myself went poof, up in smoke. Don’t get me wrong, I have a crazy good support system. My fiance has loved me through so much within the past few years. My parents are amazing and my sister is too.
But holy crap, the world doesn’t teach you how or want you to love yourself. Especially when you’re nineteen and pregnant. You gain weight, you throw up a lot, you crave crazy things, you get a billion more stretch marks than you had before. Your hair gets thicker too, and God forbid that happen to a girl! But then on the flip side of that, people tell you you’re glowing. They want to tell you how cute you look with the baby bump.
It’s insane. Everything is so backwards and contradicts everything else. I’m still sorting through it. I’m almost twenty weeks along. I think I’m finally starting to get the cute pregnant lady glow? Life isn’t too bad because I’m slowly realizing how amazing it is that my body can turn into a home and life source for a tiny human being. It is absolutely mind-boggling. I’m sure that not everyone feels like this when they’re pregnant, but it honestly has really been helping me figure out how to love myself at all stages of my life, no matter what.
Colored hair, natural hair; pregnant, not pregnant. I think, honestly, the idea that this tiny life inside of me needs me and will someday love all of my body just like I love all of my mother’s is really aiding my search for self-love and acceptance. And I think that throughout my life with my child, we’ll both learn to love ourselves through each other. My child showing me they see no flaws in my body because it was their first home, and me teaching my child that no matter what the world or their brain tells them, they are beautiful and perfect because they are purely themselves. Accepting yourself as you are at every point and learning to listen to the love around you will lead you to love yourself. And I can’t wait to get to that point so I can teach my baby to do the same.
Written by Kay McKenzie
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